Sunday, August 21, 2011

JCW Bloodymania IV

The biggest show of the year from the idiotic clowns that never seem to go away.

The Weedman vs. Officer Colt Cabana – 3
Strange to see Cabana working a heel police gimmick as opposed to his regular ROH character. Weedman is exactly what his name says. He’s a masked dude in a t-shirt and surfer shorts whose main offense is blowing smoke from his joints into his opponents face. Weedman’s one-footed dropkick and super kick at the end were the highlights to this one.

Shawn Daivari vs. Joey Ryan vs. Road Dogg Jesse James – 2
The in-ring between Ryan and Daivari was perfectly acceptable and was the only reason this match scored points. Once Road Dogg staggered in, looking like he’d just arrived from the nearest saloon, things went downhill faster than a ski jumper at the winter olympics. Road Dogg looked terrible and even had problems delivering his patented knee drop. Then we get Daivari bringing in a chair and the ring steps only to get attacked by Sabu who nearly screws up the first move he does.

The Haters vs. The Kings of Wrestling vs. The Briscoes vs. The Ring Rydas – Four Way Elimination Match – 3
Not really much to see here as the Kings and Briscoes were in cruise control and the two JCW teams weren’t really all that impressive. Seemed like all the Rydas knew how to do were flying headscissor takedowns and throw bad punches. The Haters just looked ridiculous. Their masks looked like Jushin Liger masks with the face and eye holes cut out. Haters hit a nice backcracker for a nearfall towards the end. At one time, nearly all eight guys were in the ring at the same time in a very chaotic scene at which the referee just didn’t care. Nearfalls were good but lacked any crowd heat.

Butterbean vs. Twinkie Hop – 0
This was completely pointless. Butterbean took all of two seconds to KO this ridiculous bastard.

Booker T vs. Tracy Smothers – 4
The first match on here that I thought was kind of fun. I don’t believe these two have ever wrestled each other before so this gets a point based on that merit alone. Even though Smothers didn’t hardly do jack shit besides throw punches and stall, I was really digging his output. I would’ve liked to have seen them maybe kick it up another gear but everything up until the ref bump was pretty fun. Never thought I would see Ian Rotten and Bull Pain run interference in a Booker T match but it happened. Goofy finish to an otherwise fun match.

Isis vs. Isabella Smothers – 2
Smothers is actually Mickie Knuckles. Isis was supposed to be on that all diva season of NXT and after watching her here, it’s pretty clear why they pulled her. Sure, she’s a big attraction but she’s also very green and dangerous in the ring, as evidence by a giant boot that almost crushed Mickie’s face. Her match ending chokeslam was reminiscent of a Giant Gonzalez chokeslam, and that’s not a good thing.

Balls Mahoney/Hollywood Chuck Hogan vs. Mad Man Pondo/Necro Butcher – 1
This was a sad fucking sight to watch. Hogan is about as athletic as a corpse and him saying that he’s a professional wrestler is a complete disgrace to anyone who’s ever laced up a pair of boots. Necro was the best looking of the bunch. Weapons shots and a meandering brawl leading nowhere was the name of the game. Did I just see Balls just vomit all over the ring and floor? Guess those dozen White Castle sliders he had earlier weren’t a good idea. Wait, Hogan was 2 Tuff Tony in disguise? Guess that explains the hideous mask he wore during the bout.

Corporal Robinson vs. Mike Knox vs. Raven – 1
Fuck, this was just as bad as the previous match! When Raven revealed himself dressed as Lord Ninja, no one could have given a shit less. Knox was the best looking of the bunch. Robinson did a front somersault onto the floor that was probably very similar to the one he did while completely shitfaced off a stage that night. Ending was a complete debauchery with Todd Bridges and Scott D’Amore rolling around in the ring and then Terry Funk coming in shortly after to fight. Just a mess. Post match, The Haters beat down Funk and Robinson until SID VICIOUS shows up and powerbombs the shit out of them. What a strange ending.

I really wanted to enjoy this show as a whole, especially with the strange card and what-not, but it was not to be. Thankfully, there wasn’t a single appearance by ICP on this event which made me very happy. None of the in-ring work on any of the matches was particularly good as all these people where just here to collect a check, or maybe some blow and loose strippers. Better watch out for that shit, I hear that herpes and crabs are a bitch to get rid of. As a whole though, only one thing I can say ... JCW is a fucked up world.


Anonymous said...

Weird that the Ring Rydas were so bad, considering they're the Irish Airborn in masks. The Haters are the Thomasellis, and the masks are supposed to be goat heads, I think.

Jessie said...

funny Road Dogg looked so bad....he was functioning normally at Legends & Icons....god it's such a disgrace when wrestlers end up puking during matches