1) Lex Luger vs. Tatanka – 3
First bit of this was them chasing each other around the outside the ring, like they were playing tag in the schoolyard during recess. Luger’s selling didn’t have much emotion behind it, just him hitting the mat stiff as a board and giving a brief facial expression. The headlocks Tatanka applied looked like they wouldn’t choke a stuffed giraffe. Some pretty tepid brawling on the outside led to a double count-out. For a match that was supposed to have a big feud behind it, sure didn’t look like they really put forth an effort.
2) Bret Hart & British Bulldog vs. Owen Hart & Jim Neidhart – 5
Owen bumping around for Bulldog’s offense made me wish that he was still around. Opening moments with Owen and Bret were worked just like the opening moments of their WrestleMania X match. I remember this same match on a tape called Slamfest where the commentators were the same and made the same jokes. Liked Owen and Anvil doing the old Hart Attack move on Bulldog. Bret was non-existent after the first few minutes. Anvil seemed like he was flat-backing some bumps. Why was Bulldog not selling any of his damage on the apron after the hot tag? Exact same roll-up reversal finish that was on the Slamfest tape. What this the same match?
We’re force fed a segment where Doink and Dink terrorize the Coliseum Video offices and play annoying and dumb pranks on the staffers. Fuck, this was mind numbing.
3) Razor Ramon vs. Jeff Jarrett – 4
Razor comes out with some fat, gooey, park ranger that looked like he just stumbled blindly out of Jellystone Park and probably died a slow death from diabetes and daytime soaps. Jarrett delivers a back drop suplex that looked like it came straight out of Japan and almost broke Razor’s neck. Felt like these two were just running on cruise control, not really straying far from their basic match. Razor took a big bump to the outside which resulted in him getting sliced open. Same false finish used in their Royal Rumble ’95 match. Stan Lane on commentary says “Razor has more guts that a butcher shop floor”.
4) The Bushwhackers vs. Well Dunn – 1
Fuck, not these guys. I forgot these ancient relics were still around during this time. Don’t remember Well Dunn’s WWF run but I think they may have been a big deal in Smoky Mountain. Bushwhackers have terrible offense and awful punching. So much bullshit going on here it’s not even funny, and this is supposed to be a comedy match. Bushwhackers finish off Well Dunn with the “dreaded” battering ram. Well Dunn looked like a bunch of tools.
5) The Smoking Gunns & Lex Luger vs. Shawn Michaels, Diesel, & Tatanka – 4
I can instantly tell by Shawn’s mannerisms that the character he plays in the ring is not that far from his outside the ring persona. Bart took a wild spill over the top when Diesel pulled down the top rope. Saw Shawn calling spots while had Bart in a headlock. Shawn’s bumping was tremendous. Didn’t see Lex and Tatanka in the ring at the same time together at all. Big wild brawl at the end with Diesel dishing out a powerbomb. Completely random six-man.
6) Bret Hart vs. Owen Hart – Lumberjack Match – 5
A false finish less than five minutes in where Niedhart jumped in and hit Bret from behind and abruptly ended the proceedings was unexpected and rather unpleasant. Some good stuff as usual from Bret and Owen. Haven’t really seen a poor singles match between these two. Hard enziguri by Owen. Notable lumanaries such as the Bushwhackers, Kwang, and Tom Pritchard are some of the lumberjacks here. Owen’s jumping tombstone was very cool and very similar to the move that would break Steve Austin’s neck a few years after this. Not a bad match, but I’ve seen better between these two. False finish really killed this.
Strategy Tips w/ Todd Pettengill for NBA Jam, True Lies, and Warlock for the Super Nintendo and Sega Genesis. Anyone remember Warlock? I don’t.
7) Alundra Blayze vs. Bull Nakano – 6
These two waste no time with Blayze throwing some stiff kicks and Bull throwing her around by her hair. Oh shit! What an ill piledriver from Bull! Hard to see from the camera angle but I think I saw Bull apply an ankle lock! Completely a joshi match in it’s execution. Alundra’s selling was just awesome, almost looking like she was going to cry at points. Luna took a kick right to the head from Blazye after getting on the apron. Bull does the Randy Orton DDT better than Orton himself. Big German suplex to finish. Really good bout.
8) 20-Man Battle Royal w/ Bob Backlund, Yokozuna, Diesel, The Heavenly Bodies, The Smoking Gunns, Typhoon, The Headshrinkers, Bam Bam Bigelow, Bob Holly, Nikolai Volkoff, Mabel, Jeff Jarrett, Kwang, Irwin R. Schyster, Duke “The Dumpster” Droese, and Adam Bomb – 3
Been so long since I covered a battle royal this may be a bit of a challenge. Yoko eliminated right at the outset. Lot of punching and a lot of kicking was the rule early on. Throughout the chaos, I saw Bigelow give one of the Gunns a hard ass punch, Kwang and Adam Bomb throwing down in the corner, and the Headshrinkers getting stiff with random people. Kid ate an elbow from Backlund that probably loosed a molar or two. Crowd got really behind Diesel. Jarrett took a wild bump over the top when he got eliminated. Basic battle royal with Backlund getting the win in one of the most random battle royals ever.