TNA No Surrender 2009

1) Madison Rayne & Velvet Sky vs. Taylor Wilde & Sarita – 3
2) Hernandez vs. Eric Young – 1
3) Samoa Joe vs. Daniels – 4
4) Pope D’Angelo Dinero vs. Suicide – Falls Count Anywhere Match – 6
5) ODB vs. Cody Deaner – 4
6) Kevin Nash vs. Abyss – 2
7) Team 3-D vs. Booker T & Scott Steiner vs. The British Invasion vs. Beer Money – Lethal Lockdown Match - 5
8) Bobby Lashley vs. Rhino – 3
9) Kurt Angle vs. A.J. Styles vs. Sting vs. Matt Morgan vs. Hernandez – 4

I ordered this show on a whim and was very pleased with the outcome, probably because I wasn’t expecting too much out of it to begin with. The opener was short with Taylor and Sarita going over in about five minutes. Rayne was filling in for Angelina Love, who was recently dismissed because of Canadian work visa issues. Because of this, the Beautiful People team was severely lacking in both ring talent and charisma, as Velvet Sky can only carry you so far. Sarita and Taylor carried the match they best they could under the circumstances and put the titles over as important in their victory speech but I’m already beginning to think that these title are a bad idea. Hernandez and Young was quick, and by quick I mean all of 45 seconds. If it’s going to be a squash, then it needs to be stiff, which is exactly what this was. Young got great mileage on his sell of a Border Toss, all in a suit mind you. This got a point just for Young’s bumping. Joe and Daniels was satisfying but I know that these two are capable of much better (see: early 2006 TNA). Joe clipped Daniels leg on the apron and Daniels sold it well the remainder of the match. I was like “no way” when Daniels tried to lift Joe for the Angel’s Wings. Joe sunk in a nasty Kokina Clutch for the win. This felt more like an Impact main event than a pay-per-view title match. Still not a big fan of today’s neutered version of either man. I liked Joe better when he was an unstoppable monster.

The falls count anywhere match was a special bonus match that delivered in spades. Dinero did a fabulous promo before the match that saw him get all worked up and drink a TNA-sponsored Stacker 6 Hour Power energy shot, in the middle of which Suicide dove at him from behind. We then get brawling all over the backstage area which featured Dinero just killing himself. He dropped an elbow from a ledge, got back dropped into a recycling cart the wrong way, tried to run over Suicide with a golf cart, and got pulled off a fence onto some wooden pallates. The match briefly made it to the ring only just to spill out up the entrance ramp where Dinero set up a table that never got used. Up on the stage, Suicide gave Dinero a snap suplex. He put Dinero on a table, scaled the set, and jumped off. Upon landing, he broke the table with his ass and Dinero covered him for the win. Fun little match that reminded me of the wild Cactus Jack/Van Hammer brawls in WCW. Deaner and ODB was more entertaining than I thought it would’ve been. I’m not a big fan of either person so I wasn’t really excited about this. Deaner is entertaining and can bump around but that seems to be just about all that he’s good for. ODB got in all her typical shit with Deaner selling it all good. ODB applying the testicular claw, or as Taz called it on commentary “the yambag clutch” was a highlight. ODB got the victory and put over the Knockout’s title on the mic afterwards. This just had a Jerry Springer deadbeat, white trash vibe to it but it worked.

Nash and Abyss was shit. Nash is totally immobile and Abyss was just big and clumsy. They walked around, hit each other, walked around some more, hit each other some more, rinse and repeat. All of this while Foley and Taz were making inside cracks at Vince on commentary. Stevie took a seat on the stage mid-match and factored into the finish. Daffney ran in from the crowd with a tazer but took a sick black hole slam for her troubles. Abyss asked Foley for his barbed wire bat, which was a dumb thing to do since it was in plain sight of the referee who stood there arguing with Foley and Abyss about the the bat. Nash grabbed the aforementioned tazer and zapped Abyss’ nuts for the win. Nash tried to collect the money from Stevie but Stevie recanted and took a God-awful powerbomb. Lethal Lockdown should be saved for the Lockdown PPV because all of these matches are the same. The six-sided ring is too small for eight guys to comfortably work spots without falling on top of each other. Brother Ray comes down as the last person to enter and is looking to his right the entire time he’s running down the ramp? I guess he wanted to check to make sure Rob Terry was in position for the spot in which he bowled over Ray. Steiner pulls off a Frankensteiner that he had no room for. Beer Money double teams Magnus on top of the cage and do a pointless double suplex spot. Did I mention Brother Ray’s weak ass weapon shots?

Lashley and Rhino had a decent match. Rhino cut a really good promo beforehand, probably one of the best promos I’ve seen Rhino cut in ages. Speaking of ages, when was the last time Rhino had a worthwhile match on pay-per-view? Lashley didn’t look too bad from his long in-ring layoff. We get an unnecessary ref bump and Rhino hits a gore for a nearfall. Rhino tries another gore but gets stopped by a sloppy punch and Lashley gets the win. It should be noted that when they showed the replay of the punch, it showed Lashley almost slipping on the downed referee. Just before the main event started, Hernandez came out and cashed in his briefcase from the Feast or Fired match that took place last December. Wouldn’t it make more sense for him to cash in at the end of the match rather than in a four-way? Anyway, he picks up Angle for a delayed vertical that he held for what seemed like forever while the other three participants just stood around and watched. Hernandez and Angle fight up the ramp where Eric Young runs out and clips Hernandez’s knee and takes him out of the match. For the remainder of the bout it seemed like none of the four got out of second gear. The end was odd when Angle ate a boot from Morgan and laid in the middle of the ring motionless while Sting and A.J. debated on who should get the pin. Sting eventually gave A.J. the window to get the pin which he did after a springboard 450 splash. A.J., Daniels, and the fans celebrated to end the show. A.J.’s win didn’t have the same “WOW!” factor it would have if he would’ve beaten Angle clean but it’s still nice to see A.J. get a run with the belt. Good show that if you watched it, you wouldn’t feel cheated out of three hours.