Friday, December 12, 2008

UWF "Monster in Knightsdale" 12/15/2006

1) Alex Shelly v. Petey Williams v. Jay Lethal- 4

Okay, these guys were in house show mode. This wasn't actively bad but they didn't stretch themselves at all for this crowd. Certainly shouldn't have been called an X division match. 3 way headlocks and all that stuff early, then down to 2 guys the rest of the match. Lethal's selling was pretty poor; ignoring punches to move to the next spot, calling out moves instead of selling the one just done. Shelly was doing all the house show shtick but missed a Lionsault. The pace never quickened and they kept it simple, Canadian Destroyer finish just happened, no real setup for it. I liked Petey much more when he looked like a normal guy, not a characterization of a juicehead.

2) Diamonds in the Rough v. Ron "the Truth" Killings/ Buff Bagwell (w/ SoCal Val as Guest Referee) - 2
"What's wrong, Chuck?"
"Another dance off. I thought this died with ECW....."
"Chuck, quit crying about everything. It's just a little dance off. You know the faces will go over in it, even the slutty ref will do a few moves and she's barely wearing anything, so what's your complaint?"
"it's just so disappointing........"
Okay, Buff's stuttersteps into the ring ropes barely pass as movement and look like garbage. He surprisingly plays the Ricky Morton of this match but does a poor job. Truth can throw an eye buster of a punch, lays them in quite well. The heels are completely inept here and could have been replaced by scarecrows that would have shown more life. Val had on short mini-skirt with tight thong and did many, many spots where her undercarriage was shown. Oops! Much better than looking at David Young's lack of talent and the squallid finish to this that saw Buff "attempt" a double arm DDT which looked more like a dead fish flopping down on a pier.

3) Maven v. Rhino- 2

Mr. Huffman has decent heel tendencies, must have picked up something from ole' Simon Dean (who's now refinancing home mortgages- wonder if he wears the Green Lantern suit when meeting with clients?) Maven rips on some fat redneck who tries to grab the mic by saying "This isn't a cheeseburger!" Rhino comes to the defense of the crowd with comebacks that haven't been heard since 3rd grade recess- "You're a first class jerk!" and "I know I'm not supposed to hit you in the face....because your boyfriend called me and told me so!" Oh, there is a match in here. So much stalling by Maven, he had a decent dropkick and good movement in the ring but his shoddy forearms were laughable. Rhino is more stale than a 4 year old glass of water. They botch the finish as Rhino comes off the pin to celebrate winning at the 2 count and Earl Hebner says Maven kicks out. So they do the finish over again. I hate how Rhino does that gore in the corner half assed when it's supposed to be his finisher regularly, what a bunch of chickenfried shit.

4) AJ Styles v. Brother Runt- 3

AJ was turning heel at this point and I liked that he didn't do anything overtly heelish, just being a stronger prick than Runt was to show it. He gave the arena floor some mileage too, a lot of stalling on this show. Lot of bodyslams and forearms too. Runt without his sick bumps is like Jessica Simpson without tits- who cares? He can't punch, he doesn't have any credible offense, he just got punched around by AJ. Styles took his bump on the top rope at one point, probably from boredom and simply hit his finish from out of Acid Drop to win. Substandard.

5) Abyss v. Christopher Daniels (NWA Title Match)- 4

My review for a Liger-Hashimoto match will be going up soon- that match is underdog against monster champion and it's exactly how you do that match. This was the example of how to piss all over that match's mouth and call it art. Daniels basically gets battered around for 11 minutes by Abyss whose over the top punches really left a bad taste in my mouth.....or was that the redneck announcers' metaphors? Daniels broke out the Sabu moonsault to the outside in the craziest attempted move of the night. His offense against Abyss looked bad- not making me believe he was able to do that to him. Abyss sold an STO like he would for Big Show and you just can't do that. Black Hole Slam from a standing position sucks Hermie Sadler's 1 inch miniscule dick. That move is all about momentum and there was none going for it so it looks like crap. The only thing that makes this decent was Daniels selling his ass beating like a pro.

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