Friday, June 9, 2006

3PW Blood, Brawls, and Broads

1) Pitbull Gary Wolfe vs. Rockin Rebel – Dog Collar Match - 2
2) Josh Daniels vs. Rob Eckos - 4
3) Danny Doring vs. Devon Storm - 3
4) The Blue Meanie vs. Christian York - 2
5) Public Enemy vs. The Bad Breed - 1
6) Pitbull Gary Wolfe vs. Christian York - 3
7) Sabu vs. Syxx-Pac - 5
8) The Sandman vs. Sabu vs. New Jack – Three Way Body Bag Elimination Match – 2

Wolfe and Rebel had a totally miserable match. Wolfe tried to put Rebel through a table two times and it didn’t break on either try. Daniels and Eckos tried the hardest out of any wrestler (and I use that term very loosely) featured on this DVD. The problem is that nothing really impressed me about either guy. The announcers were trying (and failing) to put Eckos over as the anti-cruiserweight but yet he does the basic cruiserweight, high spots just as they say it. Whatever. At one time, Doring had good matches in ECW but since then, his work has really taken a tailspin. He mails in a 15-minute snoozer with Storm and hits an insanely weak stunner to send Storm back to the used car lot from whence he came. York totally fell on his ass while attempting some kind of running move off of the apron onto Meanie. That was about the highlight of that one as yet another performance is mailed in.

Hey, remember that scene in ECW where the fans are throwing chairs into the ring? Well, it’s recreated here in a very lame fashion as the capper to a very lame bout that is put over as a tag team match for the ages. Yeah, the old ages. The teams bleed all over and the match ends … in a no contest? As if I really need to expend the brain power to try to figure it out. Gary Wolfe makes another appearance against Christian York, who’s also pulling double duty. You can probably guess what happened here. Syxx-Pac and Sabu seemed to be the only ones who cared about what they were doing. Every other match on this DVD was mailed in so why should I expect any more from these guys. The announcers put this over as the match of the century. Who are they kidding? Syxx-Pac couldn’t main event a wrestling show at a flea market! I digress. In a complete shocker, Sabu jobs to Pac and thankfully this DVD is over … or is it?

As much as I’d like to forget about the so-called “bonus match”, I guess I have to subject myself to yet even more torture. At this point, I’d rather burn my eyebrows off with a blowtorch, then have to watch any more of this. However, as I’ve told my fellow reviewers here many times, everything is worth a review. So, therefore, three certifiable hardcore “legends” are presented here in this one-of-a-kind body bag match. The rules are … um … yeah … they never explained the rules and seemed to make them up as they went along. After about fifteen minutes of all three stapling and stabbing each other, New Jack is finally shoved in a shower curt … err, I mean body bag and hauled away. Sabu and Sandman are left to settle the score as Bill Alfonso interferes and battles with Tod Gordon who helps Sabu and then they walk away and another match ends in a no contest. Thankfully, this DVD is finally over and unfortunately, I have no more eyebrows.

No comments: