WWE Survivor Series '03

1. Tajiri vs. Jamie Noble – 5
2. Team Angle (Kurt Angle, Chris Benoit, John Cena, Bradshaw, & Hardcore Holly) vs. Team Lesnar (Brock Lesnar, Big Show, A-Train, Nathan Jones, & Matt Morgan) – 6
3. Lita vs. Molly Holly – 3
4. Kane vs. Shane McMahon – Ambulance Match – 3
5. Basham Bros. vs. Los Guerreros – 4
6. Team Stone Cold (Shawn Michaels, Booker T, RVD, & The Dudley Boyz) vs. Team Bishchoff (Chris Jericho, Christian, Randy Orton, Scott Steiner, & Mark Henry) – 7
7. Vince McMahon vs. Undertaker – Buried Alive Match – 2
8. Goldberg vs. Triple H – 5

Tajiri and Noble were relegated to Heat status, but still brought the wrestling magic and a short, albeit sweet match. For what little time they were given, they delivered, and Tajiri was especially on, firing up the crowd. Team Angle versus Team Lesnar was an inspired opening contest to kick off this major pay-per-view. Right off the bat, several eliminations happened within the first couple minutes; but, once it slowed down, we saw some quality work from Angle, Benoit, and Cena. Even the big guys on Lesnar’s squad provided sufficient work, that is, for being a bunch of slack jawed jerk offs.

Lita looked absolutely awful in the ring, and although Molly tried to hold this pile together, the end result was nothing short of abysmal. Lita’s contributions to this business are ridiculously slim. Next up, a match where you have to stuff your opponent into an ambulance? I’m one of the guys whom I feel is, sadly, in the minority, who can see right through Shane McMahon’s nonexistent wrestling skills. His punches are some of the weakest I’ve ever seen, and he only gets cheap pops through clumsy, and extremely contrived big bumps that work only on shocked social misfits who’ve been brainwashed to believe falling from large heights makes you a good wrestler. I call bullshit! This match is a choreographed cluster of poor garbage wrestling, with the only legit spot being McMahon swinging the ambulance door crudely into Kane’s skull, which had me laughing hysterically.

I like Los Guerreros and the Basham boys, and although not bad, I was hoping they’d pull out all the stops, and tear it up, which I assure you, they didn’t. I don’t recall a lot from this, outside of a disappointing finish. Team Stone Cold features an interesting hodgepodge of workers, from the multitalented (Booker T) to the overrated (Rob Van Dam) in a group strong in stature, but lacking finesse. Team Bischoff is equally odd, ranging from the drug addled (Steiner) to the completely lost (Mark Henry) in a torrid team of villains. Mix these combustible elements, and believe it or not, the end result was a terrific match that proved to be entertaining on all fronts. Although not quite on the same level of main event caliber Survivor Series matches from years past, this match will still likely hold up in the future, in no small parts thanks to D-Von Dudley’s attempts at selling.

Vince McMahon is even worse than his son, Shane, and this match, if you can call it that, is a sad excuse for professional wrestling. McMahon cut himself way too deep, and bled buckets. I mean, he was an absolute mess, in one of the all-time grossest blade jobs I’ve witnessed. This was a hindrance to the match, as he was obviously unable to properly perform, and Undertaker couldn’t even make this schlock worth watching. The main event could have been a big deal, but instead, we were given something comparable to a Raw headliner. Still, Goldberg was somewhat surprising, actually trying to sell, which was a rarity in his W.C.W. years, and Triple H did a fair job, working around his rigid opponent. This should have been one of the more important, and memorable main events of the last 10 years, pitting two of the biggest stars of the past decade against each other, but unfortunately it didn’t leave a lasting impression with fans.