Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Grand Masters of Wrestling Vol. 2

To read Brian's review of this same DVD from '08 click here!

This seemes to be the least offensive of the three DVDs in the series I have that are being reviewed. First, we start with a musical intermission with Nikolai Volkoff singing some Russian song and Classy Freddie Blassie singing “Pencil Neck Geek”. Yes, it just as bad and as horrible as it sounds. Second, the audience has been dubbed over with same track over and over and over. Can we please get to the wrestling?

1. Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Nikolai Volkoff - 1

Volkoff comes out with a guy named Nikita Breshnikov, who’s about as scrawny as a bean pole and is about as Russian as Spaghetti-O’s. This is so reminding me of 1992 Herb Abrams’ UWF right now with old legends wrestling a gym in front of a miniscule audience that it’s not even funny. Volkoff’s hair reminds me of the toupee of Uncle Louis from Christmas Vacation. This was everything you would imagine it would be on a DVD like this, lots of forearms to the back and working on cruise control. The referee took the best bumps, hell the only bumps, of the match. The brawl on the outside was like two old people fighting over the last serving of mashed potatoes at the rest home.

Iron Sheik cut a completely incoherent promo in the locker room with generic Arabian music playing in the background. During the interview, Sheik says “the great American country New Jersey”. Yep. Need I say more? Fred Blassie comes in with a title belt and my first though is “Holy shit, this promotion has a title belt!” Looks like a cheap ass generic foam belt in my opinion.

2. Mighty Maccabee vs. The Iron Shiek - 2

Mighty Maccabee is a guy dressed in a blue and white singlet with a blue mask with the Star of David on the front and he came to the ring in fencing gear. This has to be one of the most absurd and ridiculous things I’ve ever seen. Sheik completely oversells a shove into the ropes off of a simple tie-up. This match has to be one of the most bizzare spectacles I’ve ever witnessed in wrestling. The announcer is doing live commentary over the house mic and chanting “U-S-A, U-S-A” at random intervals, the local police abduct Sheik’s slimy middle-eastern manager, and Mike Sharpe and Ken Patera are at ringside for no discernable reason. Maccabee hit a chair shot on Sheik and then ran around celebrating like he just won an the Boston Marathon. Somehow these guys worked 15 minutes without accomplishg a damn thing. We get a DQ finish for interference .. but wait, there’s more to this crazy scene! Maccabee unmasks to reveal a white mask underneath in exchange for five more minutes, there’s a ref bump, a shit ton of interference from Sharpe and Patera. Sheik has not taken a bump in this whole match. Sheik got beat with a fencing helmet to the head. Yes, re-read that last line again. I’m almost sure that I’ve never seen that before and will never see it again. By the way, this went twenty-two minutes. Yes, TWENTY-TWO MINUTES! I think people need to see this just because of the absurdity.

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