Cinnamon Toast Punch #7

Here's a bunch of random matches I've watched that have no relationship to each other at all. Enjoy!

1. Steve Corino, Rick Steiner, & Ricky Landell vs. Team 3-D & Sabu (UWF 6/9/07) - 3

Brian passed the DVD of this particular match on to me a few weeks ago and told me about this random six-man tag on a now six year old indy show from somewhere in Maryland. The heel team is quite the unique squadron. I have no idea who Ricky Landell is but I bet he’s got a nice headlock. Corino’s hair is almost as yellow as my last piss. Bubba looked like he showed up to work hard, in jeans in a t-shirt. Corino’s team is calling themselves “the Extreme Horsemen”. Excuse me while I have a hearty laugh. Lots of mic work and stalling before the opening bell even tolls. Did I just see a kid come in the ring and give Rick Steiner a DX crotch chop? Of course I did. Action seems to be moving at a snail’s pace with the heel team working chinlocks and Steiner flat backing shit and being a generally grumpy person. I bet he’s the kind of guy who yells at kids to stay off his lawn and if they don’t, he probably chases them down the street with pruning shears threatening to cut their ears off. Hot tag to D-Von was about as warm as snow. Team 3-D seemed content just to ge their stuff in and go back and collect a check. Heal team had some of the weakest punches I’ve seen in a while. Landell’s huge windmill forearms to Sabu’s back looked pathetic. Finishing part was chaotic with everybody brawling aimlessly and wandering around like they were lost in a department store looking for bath towels. Team 3-D won with what else, but the 3-D. I was looking forward to this simply because of how unique it looked on paper but there was absolutely nothing here that I could be bothered to watch again.

2. The Hardy Boyz & Eddie Guerrero vs. Dean Malenko, Perry Saturn, & Jerry Lynn (WWF Smackdown 5/17/01) - 4

Saturn has the whole Hogan fu-manchu stache going on and looks ridiculous. Nice to see Jerry get a match on one of the main shows instead of being relegated to B and C-level shows. Liked the brief exchanges between Lynn and Eddie, makes me wish they would have had a singles match together. Saturn busted out a few nice throws early in the match. Eddie worked good as a face in peril. Hardys had their standard double team offense and neither one really had a point where they were highlighted individually. The story here seemed just to focus on Eddie and Saturn with the other four guys as afterthoughts. Finishing sequence going to the “Lasso from El Paso” submission was nice. Was sort of hoping for more out of this but I’m feeling generous so I’ll give a bonus point just based on the talent involved.

3. Ricky Steamboat vs. Swede Hanson (NWA World Wide Wrestling - Sometime from 1979) - 5

This match is ancient, not as ancient as Swede Hanson, but ancient nonetheless. The announcer says that Steamboat’s nickname is “Hawaiian Punch”, wonder if that’s where the drink came from. I somehow doubt it. Don’t let Hanson’s paisley colored ring attire and Sid Eudy-esque blond curly hair fool you, he’s one mean bastard as evidenced by some stiff forearm smashes that rained down upon Steamboat. Crazy moment where Steamboat took this wild and awesome bump by doing a handstand on the buckle after getting whipped into the corner and then taking a faceplant straight to the floor. Hanson just brutalizes Steamboat throughout the majority of this but Steamboat fights back with some hard chops of his own and quick offense. Even though this was only about six minutes long, I really enjoyed this.

4. Meng & Kurasawa vs. Sting & Road Warrior Hawk (WCW Clash of the Champions 8/4/95) - 3

Sting and Hawk seem like such a strange team. I can’t remember exactly off the top of my head who Kurasawa is but he wailed on Hawk pretty good during the opening melee. Wait, Meng is managed by Col. Parker? I thought he was a member of the Dungeon of Doom? Kurasawa did the awesome move grabbing Hawk in a piggy back and just falling straight back on the floor. This match just seems all kinds of clunky and disjointed with Sting and Meng just running in and doing whatever they please with the referee just standing around and shrugging his shoulders. Doomsday Device attempt was fucking terrible and Hawk looked like a giant slob throughout the whole match. Kurasawa was probably the MVP of this thing as he came across as a real bad-ass.