Monday, November 5, 2012

Invasion of the Bodyslammers

I know this will be fun right from the start as we have Lord Alfred Hayes, Kamala, and Slick in a bowling alley, where apparently Slick will be teaching Kamala how to be a champion bowler like Don Carter, Carmen Salvino, and Norm Duke among others. Still no word on how Kamala fared in the PBA regional qualifiers after the schooling offered throughout this tape.

1) Yokozuna vs. Earthquake -2
2) The Beverly Brothers vs. The Nasty Boys – 3
3) Razor Ramon vs. The Undertaker – 3
4) Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Typhoon – 5
5) Shawn Michaels vs. Bret Hart - 4

Big battle of the behemoths starts this off and it was merely a skirmish with Quake and Yoko throwing a few big bombs and Yoko getting a quick win after about three minutes with a Bonzai Drop. Beverlies and Nasties was a basic tag match that featured lots of CLUBBING BLOWS~! by both teams. Nasties really seemed to enjoy throwing the shoulder block early on. There was a weird spot where one Beverly was supposed to tag the other but missed completely and the other came in just randomly without any protest from the referee. Double DQ finish was lame as well. Razor and Undertaker sounds like a headline match for the mid-90s era but ended up being a waste of everyone’s time. Looking at the set –up of the arena, it appeared to me that the match was filmed up the road in Dayton, and my research proved me right. Sort of shocked at how much offense Razor got on ‘Taker. End of this was really bad with Razor doling out a lame urn shot and then running scared after Taker chokeslammed the shit out of him. I was expecting another quick match from Bigelow, much like the Yokozuna match earlier but was I ever wrong. Bigelow and Typhoon really laid into each other with some hard shots. I’ve been told that Typhoon was at the grand opening of the local Meijer grocery store back in the late 90s/early 00s. I just hope he didn’t have anything to do with the electrical work in the building. Loved how these two just threw down and worked at a fast pace instead of the typical slow, prodding “big man” style man. Bigelow took one of the roughest front slams I’ve ever seen and Typhoon ate a turnbuckle that I’m sure tasted nothing like steak. Really surprised at how good this match was. Shawn and Bret really didn’t have much that stood out, except for Savage making an absurd claim on commentary that there were 15,000 people in the crowd. Let’s try about 5,000. Best bump of the match was Bret going sternum first into the guardrail. Rest of it was pretty basic but the guys were on auto-pilot and the crowd was colder than a McDonald’s walk-in freezer.

6) Doink the Clown vs. Kamala – 2
7) Papa Shango vs. The Undertaker – 3
8) 16-Man Battle Royal – 4
9) Tatanka vs. The Repo Man – 3
10) Ric Flair vs. Mr. Perfect – 6

Next two matches were really lame. Doink and Kamala had a decent match on a UK show I reviewed last fall. While no means what that particular match a classic, the match on this tape made it look like a five-star match in comparison. Kamala through a nice thrust kick before getting distracted by an empty box leading to Doink winning by count out. Yes, that finish was as lame as it seems. Undertaker had yet another disappointing match, this time with Papa Shango. Highlight of this one was a big spot where fire flew out of Papa Shango’s stick which led to a brawling segment on the outside. Battle royal was a lot of fun and had probably the most unique roster of participants I’ve seen in a battle royal in a long time. Featured were the likes of Terry Taylor, Tito Santana, Skinner, Shawn Michaels, and … IRON MIKE SHARPE?! What the hell was IRON MIKE SHARPE doing in a battle royal in 1993? Michaels did more bumping here than he did in the earlier singles bout against Bret. Tito hit a nice forearm and Skinner did a goofy dance after eliminating someone. Razor won by default after Giant Gonzalez came in and ruined all the fun. Repo’s theatrics were pretty over-the-top, however I think I enjoyed the bit earlier in the tape where Repo kidnapped a guy and subsequently carjacked Bill Alfonso. I wish I was joking. A random thought ran through my head during this match … how strange would it be if all repo men were dressed exactly like Repo Man? Tatanka’s offense was weaker than Jimmy Fallon’s attempt at comedy. Hoping that Flair and Perfect will save the last portion of this tape. Didn’t like the fact that Perfect oversold and overbumped on a phantom turnbuckle shot. Unlike the previous matches, this felt like an epic struggle between two top notch athletes instead of goofy characters fighting. Everything here was textbook offense and selling by both guys and it worked beautifully. Flair took an AWESOME bump over the corner and straight down to the floor. Perfect’s win was a surprise as I really thought that Flair was going to pull it out. Wasn’t nearly as good as their Raw match in early 93 but it was a nice way to close out and otherwise lame tape.

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