DDT Dramatic Fantasia #275

DDT, 05.05.2010 (Samurai! TV)
Zepp Nagoya - 429 Fans - No Vacancy

2. Yago Aznable & DJ Nira vs. Masa Takanashi & Keisuke Ishii - 2

Keisuke's stomps are like my uncle trying to squash a waterbug. Nira throws an enzuguri that only gets as high as Ishii's kneecap. Underneath his goofy superhero costume Aznable actually shows some promise. Yago busts out "A Nightmare on Helms St." for a nearfall -- I've missed that move. Aznable gets the win for his team with an abdominal stretch in a clipped comedy romp flatter than Tilda Swinton.

3. American Balloon Retirement Match: American Balloon vs. KUDO - 1

Oh, for fuck's sake! Balloon is a morbidly obese, pasty slob with the absolute nastiest man boobs I've ever seen. They look like two water balloons. Balloon does a moonsault further killing that move's credibility. Why's every fat guy got to have a 'sault now? Bam Bam and Vader were enough. KUDO brings the wicked kicks lighting his opponent up like the Las Vegas skyline. KUDO's flying kneedrop from the top not only scored him the victory but looked like something out of a seedy snuff film.

4. Kenny Omega vs. YOSHIHIKO - 4

Omega versus wrestling's favorite blow-up doll! I loved the way YOSHIHIKO ate a snap suplex early -- made it look like absolute death. Soon after, YOSHIHIKO reverses a suplex attempt and sends Kenny sailing which he sold with gusto. Not since vintage Foley have I seen someone absorb as much punishment as YOSHIHIKO. There's a real pathos to YOSHIHIKO's performance here. I wonder if Omega can get the doll any US dates; I'd make the nine-hour trip to Philadelphia for that! YOSHIHIKO hits an amazing tilt-a-whirl hurricanrana that looked like Walt Disney World's Mad Tea Party on cocaine. YOSHIHIKO took a crazy bump off of an airplane spin that saw him land in the third row. YOSHIHIKO 's rolling "Canadian Destoryers" is one of the sickest spots in the industry and Kenny eats all of them right on top of his dome. Not top-shelf YOSHIHIKO but better than anything I've seen out of, say, XCW Mid-West this year.

5. Sanshiro Takagi & Dick Togo vs. Kota Ibushi & HARASHIMA - 4

Togo's spinebuster on Ibushi would make Ron Simmons say, "Damn!" and then change his own diaper. Takagi is one of my favorite DDT guys and looked like a beast here swatting away Kota's kicks and pummeling him with a lariat. This was all all about fast-paced, all-out action. It was clipped but what we got was compelling and I got into some of the nearfalls. I liked how the veteran Togo was able to outsmart Ibushi with a clever roll-up to eek out a victory.

6. DDT Extreme Title, Gay Or Straight Match: GENTARO (c) vs. Danshoku Dino - 5

Within seconds Dino is sans trunks and seeing his anus the aim of much of GENTARO's offense. And to think, most American teens are embarrassed to watch mainstream wrestling, imagine them trying to explain this if their parents happened to enter the room:

Mom: "Honey, why are you watching a chubby Chinaman roll around clutching at his bare bottom?"

RVDfan77: "Mom! Gosh. He's not even Chinese!"

Dad: "Oh, Chinese, that sounds lovely darling. How about ordering us some take-out and we'll watch a Jackie Chan movie together in the den? Just one big, happy family."

RVDfan77: "You guys just don't understand me!"

This match has more theatrics (and surprisingly, roast beef) than an evening at Medieval Times. GENTARO sells Dino's butt thrust to his backside with the grace and gravitas of Humphrey Bogart. The ref holds a microphone to Dino occasionally, a la an "I Quit" match, but I'm assuming he's asking him if he's gay or straight, the latter leading to a victory for GENTARO but I could be way off. Someone needs to get Danshoku on Tosh.0 as that'd be gold. Dino does a "Shining Wizard" but utilizing his phallus instead of a knee. Jerry Lynn's act is stale, maybe he should steal Dino's variation of the cradle piledriver and start stuffing his opponent's heads down his sweaty shorts mid-move. Dino gets the victory getting GENTARO to say he's gay while Danshoku teabags his face resting his taint, nut stack, and opened buttocks directly on GENTARO's face -- a million, billon stars.