1) Michelle McCool, Maria, and Brie Bella vs. Maryse, Natalya, and Victoria – 3
2) R-Truth vs. Chavo Guerrero - 3
3) Festus vs. Kenny Dykstra – 0
4) Vladimir Kozlov vs. Scotty Goldman and Funaki – Handicap Match - 2
5) The Colons vs. Curt Hawkins and Zack Ryder – 4
6) Jeff Hardy vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. MVP vs. The Brian Kendrick – Fatal Four Way Match – 5
The women’s’ match was a good opener, notice I don’t use the WWE’s official “diva” label, that didn’t get much time but set a good pace. Structurally it was cool because generally, especially in team-orientated matches, the classic face versus heel setup is the bad guys (or girls, as it were) work over the heroes until they make the hot tag; but here, the faces opened the match going to town on Natalya, making them look like more than just pretty faces and plastic titties, but actual gifted competitors taking on the larger foe. The R-Truth match was interesting in that it was only his third televised appearance and judging from the in-ring work, you could tell veteran Chavo was doing his part in initiating him, working far more aggressively than normal including hitting a devastating rolling koppo kick that would have made Lyger soil his Ultraman undies.
The next segment was shit, not a match, although I almost tossed it a point for Kenny’s opening right hand, which was a blistering shot right to Festus’ face. Within a minute of action, Festus and his buddy Jesse, donned in “MyMoving Co.” outfits, duct taped and bubblewrapped Dykstra, carrying him away from ringside on a dolly. Fuck this. Here’s my problem, numero uno, what’s the official verdict on the match, and how come nobody including the chuckling announcers seem to care? Secondly, this whole segment was an “inside joke” privy to those in the company—they’d done it once prior where self-indulgent pricks Shawn Michaels and Triple H packaged Kenny and sent him to OVW for seasoning. And now their moving Smackdown! to a different network next month and this is their office-approved, “WWE Fan Nation” dick yanking way of making a big production out of nothing.
Kozlov looked like a monster so I was totally fine with his big squash over Goldman and Funaki. Scotty laid in a couple nice shots, and made Kozlov’s stuff look real good, so this was an acceptable wasting of talent. Is there anyone in the industry with least memorable offense than Ryder and Hawkins? I kid you not, the bulk of their offensive runs were almost exclusively chinlocks or minor variations. Primo looked hot, lots of energy and agility, but Carlito didn’t even show up mailing in his performance. The Colons? That’s your team name? Is this another, oh so clever, rib by WWE writers and office? Thanks but no thanks.
The main event was pretty fun, a bit convoluted at times, but no more so than the previous Sunday’s Unforgiven pay-per-view match involving these four guys and Triple H. I like all of their work, and everybody got a little time to shine here, even MVP who was dogged at the aforementioned PPV. Kendrick was bumping big and playing the calculating, conniving heel. Hardy was gone for big chunks of stuff, for better or worse, but did get the win sandwiching Kendrick who was pinning someone else with a scintillating swanton bomb. Kozlov returned to end the show, pulverizing Hardy and forcing himself into the upper echelon; could make for some interesting TV in the weeks to come. I look forward to the network move October 3 so I can start watching the show in high-definition, but they can take their smug, time wasting, pseudo-insider shit and stick it up Vince’s ass during his next downtown pedicure appointment.