Thursday, April 12, 2007

JCW SlamTV! #1

The Insane Clown Posse recently presented the first episode of their new weekly web show Slam TV, containing matches from their ridiculously mediocre wrestling federation Juggalo Championshit Wrestling.

1. Nosawa vs. “Holy” Trent Acid – 3
Trent looked like a mall goth kid and attempts achieving cheap heat via sub par mic work pre-match. Nosawa rips off stuff from Dusty Rhodes, Roddy Piper, Tajiri, Hulk Hogan, and especially Great Muta/Keiji Mutoh. Out of the hundreds of guys that use the “super kick”, Acid’s easily ranks near the bottom of the list. Nosawa tossed Trent to the filthy floor, followed him out, and then threw a chair at Acid's face that he subsequently blocked, but still sold the damage he never accrued. In the spot of the match, Nosawa nailed Acid with a superplex onto a hastily made structure of three steel chairs. Acid scored the victory by hitting Nosawa with… you guessed it, a golden Bible.

There’s a video package of the team of Necro Butcher and Mad Man Pondo. I don't mean to make a mountain of minutiae, but I think the announcer’s description of Necro as "the ugly faced redneck" was the most brilliant thing uttered as of yet in ’07.

This was followed by a Tracy Smothers promo… in a shower.

2. Zack Gowan vs. 2-Tuff Tony - 1
This sucked harder than Violent J’s lyrics, limp dick, and Faygo obsession. Gowan is playing the role of the pompous asshole, and Tony, well he’s just playing a trailer park piece of shit – wait, you mean, he’s not playing a role, that’s who he actually is? Classy! Gowan only has one leg, for those not familiar with his brief and totally forgettable WWE run. This was so painful to watch I started to hate the concept of being alive.

In conclusion, I think SlamTV!, and furthermore, JCW as a whole, should be eliminated completely from the professional wrestling zeitgeist.

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